35 weeks left

Today I am missing my soldier terribly. We have 35 weeks left of this deployment. Our relationship is somehow growing stronger through this deployment, which is a nice change considering how the last deployment went for us. But I just miss him sometimes more than others and today is one of those days. He is incredible and has called me already today and will call again tonight. I realize how blessed I am to have a husband who cares so much and makes sure to stay in this much contact with and the girls. I just have moments where I miss him and wish he was here holding me tight. Well I feel like that all the time, just sometimes more intensely than others.

I am on winter break from school and while I love my students, it's nice to have a break from all of that. We are going on a little trip this week for a few days to just get away from it all and I can't wait for that. Then we will come back and enjoy our time that we have until we get back to the normalcy of things.

Annivesary

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. On that day, four years ago I pledged my love forever to my soldier. Today I love him more than I thought possible. I thought that there was no way I could ever love him more than I did that day. We have three incredible children and even though we are apart a lot of the time, we are a stronger family than so many I know.

I think sometimes about others and wonder. And I realize how blessed I am to have found the man that God truly wanted me to be with. The man that I could never imagine being without. Chris is my life, my rock and my everything. Even though we are thousands of miles apart right now, we are closer than we have ever been. And nothing can ever take that away from us. And I am so grateful to have such an incredible relationship with him so many years after we met.

Stress

It was recently brought to my attention that all of what I have going on is a lot in each thing. But compounded, like I have, it's huge. And people wonder how I deal with it all. And until recently I felt like my head was going to explode due to it all. But now I'm starting to realize that things are what they are and that there isn't much I can do. I see that there are many possibilities that could happen and I know that no matter what the outcome is, we are going to still be a family and that we will get through it. I am grateful because I have a job and God has seen fit to put me in this position for a reason I have yet to figure out. But I know that there is a reason and that it will be revealed to me in due time. I also know that my children and I will be reunited with Chris at some point. Whether that means we get to live together and see each other daily or we do what we did before he deployed and just see each other on weekends, we will still be a family and we will still be okay. And time will show us God's plan and what will happen in the long run. And the longer we stay in this house, the longer time we have to try and pay some things off and to work hard to make things easier for us in the long run. And maybe that is God's plan. Maybe we are meant to do things the right way and not take any easy ways out. And maybe God knows that if we left this summer we could potentially end up in a worse place financially. But who knows. It's not my place to guess. It's only my place to listen to God's wise words and direction.

Need help

Teaching doesn't stop at school. Well working on it doesn't anyway. I am sitting here currently creating lesson plans to get me through the next week. While these are great and all, my main reason for doing them like I am right now is to give them to my mentor teacher. She wants copies of them for one week to show I am capable of doing it. All it's proving right now is that it's taking away too much time from my kids. But whatever, I will do whatever I have to to make people happy. I think I need to email her the long range plans too at some point but right now I'm concentrating on this. I'm sure she'll hate it just like everything else I do. But whatever. I know what I'm doing and I'm sick of hearing that I'm not doing a good job. Parents keep telling me different and so I'm doing what I feel is best for the students.

Our house hasn't had anyone look at it yet. But it's only been 2 weeks. I hope something happens sometime soon though just to give me some peace of mind. I am scared I'm going to be stuck here another year. If that happens then so be it, but I'm not looking forward to it. I hate the idea of Chris living in Georgia alone and without anyone there. But we will still have the weekends so I guess that is okay when he gets back from Iraq.

My kids are doing well but they are not getting along with one another. My oldest and middle fight worse than any siblings I have ever seen. It drives me insane. I wish they could just get along. I'm not looking forward to my youngest getting to be that age and joining in.

Trugging along

Things are just here and they are not as I want them but they are what they are for now. Our house has been on the market for a week and nothing yet but I'm trying not to worry yet. I figure I have 8 months to get rid of it before I really have to start worrying in a major way.

So many plans and yet I sit and wait for God to tell me that our plans are the right ones. But w will wait and see what God has in store for us.

Been a long time

I haven't been able to keep up with this like I wanted because life gets in the way. So much has been going on the past month. Chris is doing well in Iraq and he is working hard. Things are okay for him and he's trying to make the most of it.

School has been really difficult for me and I love teaching and I love my students. But, I am having trouble adjusting to this new career and new life. I went into teaching so that I would be home more with my kids. I think I saw them more when I was in the army than I do now. There are times when I don't get home until they are in bed and I hate that. I love my children and I want to be there as much as I can considering their dad is not able to be here with us.

We put our house up for sale today! It has been a long time coming and I am beyond excited. I mean, seriously excited. I am nervous about how long it is going to take to sell but I am going to just go about life like usual until it does. We have plans and I am really hoping that we are able to put those plans in place at the time we want, but it's ultimately up to God. His plans will happen and we are just here to follow them. And I have to trust that.

Been a hot minute

Things have been so busy for me and for my husband, who is now in Iraq. He is currently fighting the stupidest of article 15 charges ever. And hopefully he will be able to beat it. But I'm finally okay with what happened and I'm just honestly glad that he is alive. I can't believe we almost lost him four days ago to an allergic reaction and that his unit is trying to say he did it on purpose. It truly is the dumbest of all things.

On another note, school is going well. I really feel that teaching is what God wants me to do. And through a few of my parents I am learning that I am apparently everything they were hoping to find. Last night I went to a church in town to watch a boy get baptized. What I didn't realize is that one of my students was also getting baptized. And this particular student faces many challenges daily and so I cried when I saw him face his fears when he was baptized. He is such a remarkable child and I am so blessed I was able to be there to witness that.

Chris said that he hopes we are able to find a church for our family. And this church is one we are going to try. I think we are going to go to one of the services next week to see how we like it. I want the girls to see how they like the children stuff as well. We are also going to try back at our old church that we never should have left before and where Whytney goes on Wednesday nights still. We shall see.

Out of 52 weeks of this deployment, we have 50 left. Slowly they will count down and I can't wait. I miss my husband and I need him home.

Only 363 days left

So we have 363 left of this deployment. Yes, I am counting down. I know that I will forget and end up losing the time frame, but to make it easier I will end up counting down months and weeks. Right now I just miss my husband terribly but was so glad to hear his voice on the phone this morning.

This year should go by quickly with it being my first year teaching. I think that it will be okay and that the only times I will have to worry will be when I am off work. The weekends and the weeks off that I have will be the times when it will get too horrible to bear. But I shall survive.

School is going well and I love being in the classroom. I am just loving it and even though it's stressful, it is very rewarding. I think that once I get the whole thing down and I'm able to really figure out what to do as far as planning goes I will be okay. I have a mentor teacher now, but I'm not quite sure how much help she is going to be as far as the subjects I teach go. But we shall see. Right now I just want to get through and hopefully teach the students what they need to know. Some are doing really well but a few of them are struggling big time. But if they are struggling at this point then they must have struggled wherever it was they came from the previous year.

Life gets in the way

So things have been really busy the past few weeks. I had training and then school started a week ago. Once that started I have been in full swing and haven't even had much time to come up for air. But I love it and each student is so wonderful. I think I have already established a few that truly will be unforgettable. Although, this being my first class, I think every student will be unforgettable to me.

Deployment sucks. It's happening and I hate every moment of it. The only thing I look forward to each day is that it goes by quickly and that is one less day we are apart. I'm really hoping this one is only a year and not longer like the last.

Meadow is getting really confused because she sees both cars and Chris isn't home. But my friend came and actually borrowed our van today and so now there is only one car again. So hopefully tomorrow she will be a little less confused. Poor baby. It's hard not understanding why daddy is away but needing him home. We all miss him and need him home. Hopefully someday we will get that.

A friend of mine is stationed in Hawaii now. Well her husband is and they are there with him. And from the pictures it makes me want to go there really badly. It's gorgeous. Maybe we will go visit her this summer. But I really want to go to Cali so I don't know where I am headed. Most likely to Cali. There are a few people I need to see.

My oldest brother had a heart attack today. I'm worried about him. He's in the hospital and they are keeping him for now. I just pray that he makes it through okay. He's only 40 and I haven't told Whytney yet because I know she is going to take it badly when she finds out. I want to see what happens first before I drop that bomb on her.

Okay, time for bed....

Very offended

Today I found out that a wife called the batallion because they were still at work sitting on their butts literally doing nothing at 6 o'clock. Since they deploy in two weeks, these men need to be home with their families, not sitting around waiting for whatever time they feel like letting them off. What offended me was hearing what they said when they got yelled at by the batallion commander. He screamed at the company commander and so they told them to learn to "control their wives" better. I have a half of a mind to call batallion because that is the most offensive statement I have ever heard. I guess they still think it's 1950 and men are on top and women are crap. I have not gone through hell to get the education and career I have to be told that I need to be controlled by a man. That just makes me mad. I wasn't the wife who called, I mean there are 100 or so other wives in that unit. But just to think that they had the nerve to say something like that just really upsets me.

On other news, my classroom is just about ready. The kids start on Wednesday and I am super excited. I am not however, looking forward to my husband deploying soon. But we will survive and be stronger after we readjust again.

Busy in training

So I have been in professional development classes and meetings for over a week now and it's getting monotonous. I am ready for school to start and the students to fill the halls. But that will happen next week. I am really anxious!

Chris is back in Georgia and I am missing him terribly. It's rough now and he isn't even in Iraq yet. Just a couple more weeks until that happens. Hopefully we will survive.

Not much else is happening. I'm just working like crazy and am having a hard time figuring a lot of things out. I just really want things to get figured out in many different ways. I'm hoping that it does soon. Only time will tell.

Too much spent

I went and bought some things I needed for school and also got Whytney her school supplies. And I spent way too much money. I am not even kidding. But I am hoping that through time it will kind of pay for itself. I know it will it's just hard to look at right now. Not much I can do about it really though. I am going to get a few things organized today and then start figuring some more things out. I can't wait to start moving things into the classroom so that I can actually put things away. Then I can have a better idea of what I am still needing and what I can do without. I also went to the teacher store today and got a few things for the classroom to start out with. I can't wait to really start the year and have students and all that. Although 88 students is a lot, 22 at a time. But I am sure I can handle it. I am trying to figure out what to do the first week and I'm thinking about having the students all write a personal narrative telling me about themselves. I am going to write one myself so that they have an example to follow and also so they know a little bit about me.

Slowly coming together

I got an email today from the FRG and there is this thing where the soldiers can go to the library on post and they will videotape them reading a story. Then they bring the dvd home and we will have it so the kids can have daddy read them a story. Just thinking about it makes me cry but I am so happy too because this will give the kids a chance to still "see" daddy while he's away. The closer this deployment gets, the harder it is becoming emotionally. But we will get through it as we have the other deployments and we will be a stronger family in the end.

Planning for my school year is slowly coming together. I know that there is so much I need to do but that I am limited for now until I know more of what is happening. But I'm hoping to get things organized by the end of the first week of August. We have an open house in our classrooms on the 10th and I want everything figured out and organized before then. I also need to find some way to get some pictures off of my external even though the power cord is pretty much shot. I am goin to try and see if I can somehow get it to work for longer than it has been so I can get them off. I need to also figure out what things to take to school and then do my "I wonder" board. And I need to figure out what theme to use and what to put on my door for the families. I do want to get pictures of all my homeroom kids the first day of school so I can have those to use as well. Ideas, ideas, ideas.....

The 4th of July Weekend

My husband came home for four days this past weekend and it was incredible. It didn't honestly start out very well but the next day we were able to have a good time. We took Whytney to an amusement park on Friday and then on Saturday we were all sort of sick so we didn't do much. Sunday we went to church and then to Chris's mom's house. I love going over there. It is always so fun and the girls have such a great time. Today we just had a cleaning the house day and it was good. It was nice to just stay home and not be all sickly.

Now Chris is on his way back and this coming weekend is goin to be super busy as well. Saturday I have to work and then we have to drive back down to Georgia for a party with his platoon. Then Sunday is church and then back to Georgia for Chris. It's all just very busy but we will be okay.

Work is getting retarded and I'm hoping that once the school year starts it will calm down a bit. They keep changing things and messing with meetings and dates and it's hard to get things settled because of it. I have no clue what is going to be happening but I think that it will start to calm down. I just really need to get some things figured out.

Army marriage Retreat

Okay, so we decided to go on an army marriage retreat this weekend. We knew that it would be time away from the kids and that we would learn a few things. Little did we know just how awesome it is. First off, it is at this resort in North Carolina that has an indoor waterpark at the hotel! We have our own rooms, breakfast at the hotel, a 50 dollar gift card to eat lunch at any of the places inside of the resort and then dinner at a restaurant away from the resort. Tonight we all went to TGI Fridays and our "limit" was 25 dollars per person! I mean who can eat that much food per person? That and the three hour classes are incredible. They give you these fantastic books on building a stronger marriage and it is wonderful. You can bring your kids if you can't finda sitter at home and they have childcare during the meetings. It is really just awesome. It is a great thing that this unit is doing and I can't wait to go on more of these once Chris gets back from the deployment. We never get time alone without the girls and since it centers around our marriage it is even better.

I really miss the girls but I am learning to be less attached to them. Actually it's Meadow that I'm mostly attached to. It is because of her medical problems and such but I am doing better at being away. I have met some nice people. A major and his wife were awesome people and we met a couple we had to sit with at dinner who has a little boy that is like Meadow. They ended up leaving the restaurant to go back because he was being a pain but we didn't even notice because we are so used to it with Meadow. They felt bad for us and we told them that it didn't even phase us. It was funny. But it is nice to finally meet a couple that really seems to be like us and to not be threatened by what it is that I do for a living. It's like some enlisted wives think that having an education and having a real "career" is too above them. I just want to fit in but I guess it's destiny for me not to.

Orders

My husband officially has orders to deploy and while we have known this was happening for awhile, it makes it official. And it all of sudden makes it hurt worse. I have a position that will help me get through it but I know that the first month is going to be very difficult. The first month is always the hardest and this time I have to figure out some way for my 3 year old daughter not to freak out when she realizes daddy's work is lasting much longer than normal. It saddens me that we have to go through this yet again, but it is even harder to think about the fact that this won't be the last time. We will have at least one more deployment before his contract is up and that is only if he doesn't reenlist again. He will have ten years in and who knows what he will decide at that point. Right now I am just trying to figure out how to keep my sanity for the next little while until he is gone.

I can't take off to see him go and that is devastating for me. Unless he leaves on a weekend we won't be there to see him off. And I will have to go every night without him here and we will not be able to talk as often as we did last time due to the conflicting work schedules that we will be on.

Christopher is the love of my life. He is my rock, and he helps me to stand. Without him I am incomplete, not a whole person. And while it is going to be very difficult to do yet again, we will survive because we know that without each other we are nothing but empty. And through God we can get through anything. Another year will be gone, another year we can't get back. But hopefully it will help us to grow stronger in our love and faith in God and in one another.

Anxious for summer to end

Well sort of. I am anxious to start working on July 22nd but I am sad that as soon as I start that is less time with my family. And once summer winds down then Chris leaves for Iraq. So it has it's ups and downs. I am already starting to prepare for the school year since I know that I will be teaching ELA and Social Studies for 4th-5th grade. I am trying to find books to buy for the classroom as far as novels for the kids to read and I am trying also to figure out things and get things together so that I am ready to start. I am crazy excited about this and I really really can't wait to start teaching. I'm still waiting for my contract from the school but that will come sometime really soon. At least that is what the headmaster said yesterday.

Chris is in the field and he's actually liking it. Well not liking the being dirty part, but loving learning the equipment that he is now working with. It's all new and high speed so he is all happy about that. It's weird because when I met him he would not work any extra or do anything unless absolutely forced to. Now he stays on and helps his soldiers out after he's off shift. It's quite a change but I really see how mature he has become and how dedicated he is to what he is doing. My heart swells and I am so proud of the man that I married.

Just another day

My husband is in the field and I'm sitting here anxious for the next month to pass by. I am excited about starting work in July but I am also anxious for the next year to fly by so my husband can go to Iraq and get home as fast as he can. But I know that he will miss so much with the kids and we have been through this once already. When he left the last time Meadow was about four months old. And I sent him pictures all the time. He missed Meadow's first steps and first words and everything. And now this time he will leave and Lizzie will be four months old. And again he will miss it all. It is so sad but I know that he is doing what he has to to help protect our country. I love him so much and I know that he is doing what he can.

I am a little bummed because I found out that I start work when he's home on leave. I will work almost the entire time he's home and that bums me out. But he will get plenty of time with the kids and we are going to Charleston for one of the weekends. And that I am super excited about! We are going to visit his sister and I haven't been to Charleston yet so I am really stoked about the entire thing. There are so many positives and I am sad and will miss him desperately but at least this time I will be teaching and will be able to keep my mind on other things.

The girls are doing good and Whytney is super busy. And come the start of school she will be even busier. Meadow will be okay as long as I tell her that daddy is at work but I think she will begin to notice that he isn't coming on the weekend like usual. But we shall see.

Now I just need to get my little behind back in the gym and get back to working out. I really need to start running again and stuff. That way I can get back in shape a bit and then I will have more energy.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

So this morning I figured that instead of sitting here and hoping to get a call that I would not waste my day freaking out. So I went and got my hair done and while I was there I talked to the headmaster at the school and I got a teaching position! I am so thrilled to be teaching fulltime next year. No more subbing for me and I am beyond thrilled. This is what God has called me to do and I am so grateful that He has given me this opportunity.

Now I don't have to go crazy while Chris is deployed. I will have something to help keep my mind off him being gone and it will occupy my mind. And now my children all have a place to go to and I am really excited about that. I am still extremely sad that my husband is leaving again but it is what has to happen. It is the path God has him going down at the moment. And over time we will figure out if the army is what he is meant to do for more time or if, when his years are up in 2013, he is meant to get out and start down another path.

I am just so grateful and God answered many people's prayers in this job for me. I am grateful for everyone who prayed and for the way God has spoken to me. Praise the Lord!

Interview is finished

Today I had my second interview for the charter school. I think it went well but he said I will find out on Friday. So now I just wait and pray that God's will is done. I have a sense of peace so I'm sure that however this is meant to go, I will be okay.

Chris and I are going on a marriage retreat through the army the end of June and I am super excited. I think that we are really going to enjoy spending three days together without our children. It will be good to be together, especially with the impending deployment.

I am nervous about a few things but I know that God will answer in His time and all I can do is just wait it out. I think tonight I am going to create a lesson plan for children's church next weekend. This week's has already been created and sent to the person who is teaching it. So we will see!

Test run

Chris was home this past weekend and it was wonderful. Today he left for the field for three weeks and I am calling this a test run of how it will be like when he's actually gone. It won't be bad the first week or so but after that it will get hard. I think that this is a good thing for Meadow because she's so attached to her daddy and she doesn't remember when he was gone the last time. So we will see how she does during this time of him being away. I already miss him terribly but I know that the feeling of longing will only get worse when he's gone for a year again. Hopefully I will have a teaching job and will be busy and so it won't consume me every day.

Last deployment he left from Germany and we had been apart already for a few months when he left. It was easier saying goodbye to him on the phone because he and I had already been separated. But now we see each other and we are together. I'm not sure if that will be a comforting feeling or if it will make me even more torn up than I already know I will be. If I am able I want to be there to say goodbye to him. If not I am going to talk to his dad about driving down there to be with him. I don't want him to be alone in this. Not when we aren't far away. Man, I miss him already.

Interview

So I had an interview today at a new school and it went great. The head of the school is prior military so that was immediately something we had in common. It was funny, he called me SGT Cantrell. I laughed and said, no that is my husband. It was silly. So we chatted and now I have a second interview next week! He said it was more of a discussion than an interview so I am assuming that is a really good sign! I really hope I get this position. I can't wait to teach fulltime and the idea of teaching at a brand new school sounds fantastic. He said they want me for the K-1st position and that is great since that is really what I want to teach if I couldn't teach social studies there. I love the smaller children and the position I am hopefully up for at the other school is in kindergarten so it seems to be consistent as far as that goes. I am just really hoping that this works out. I think I have a very good shot at getting this position from everything he said. I will find out more next week and I'm really hoping that I get this.

Chris should be home tomorrow night with Armywives Season2! It came out on dvd tuesday and he bought it for me for my birthday. So I am super stoked about it. I just miss him so much since he didn't get to come home last weekend. But this weekend will be his last until the end of June. I hope the next few weeks go by quickly while he is in the field but I am doubting that they will. It happens and I have to get used to it. But he is taking leave in July and that really makes me happy since he leaves a few weeks after that.

Ah, the life I live. Some people think it's difficult but it's just my life. Sometimes it's hard but other times it's well worth it. Overall, it's just my life.

Been busy with life

Things have been busy and I haven't been keeping up. We are in the process of helping set up for the new church that begins this Sunday and I am in charge of Children's church. So I have been trying to find stuff and figure some things out. This is all very new to me so I'm not sure I'm doing the best job, but I think time will help with that.

I also got amazing news on Saturday about a school here in my town who is hiring new teachers. Well not necessarily "new" but they have a bunch of elementary/early childhood positions available. So I called them on Monday and the head of the school wanted me to drop off my application that day because they are interviewing this week. I had already completed my application and so I took it directly there that morning. This morning I spoke with him and I have an interview tomorrow morning! I am really excited but very nervous as I know that God has called me into this profession. I know that deep in my soul. But God isn't in control over the economy and how people are being right now. So the jobs are slim and almost impossible to find. I am going into this prepared and I feel in my gut I have a great shot. At which position, I have no idea. But there is one in particular that would literally be a dream come true. It is a position where I would only teach social studies. That is my most passionate subject and I could teach the children so many things about history. But alas, only time will tell. I am still hoping for a position at the school that I worked at previously. But God knows where I belong and He will make sure that His plans for me are followed. I am hoping that I do get a position because not only will it be rewarding, but I will be able to keep busy and keep my mind off Chris being in Iraq. And any distraction is a great one. And the time will go by faster if I'm not sitting at home worrying about him all the time.

Chris is in class this week and then he will be home this weekend. On Monday though he heads to the field for three weeks. Then in July he will get to take leave and that will be our last time with him continually until he gets back from Iraq. We will survive this because God put us together and has given us this incredible family. And as long as we put God first then we can get through anything. I truly believe that and I think it will help us get through this deployment.

School has officially let out for the year and my oldest has done incredibly with her straight As again! She received an award for the Highest Academic average yesterday and I couldn't be more proud. She is a wonderful child and God blessed me greatly when he brought her into my life. I can't wait to see how each of my girls is going to turn out. I am so proud of each of their milestones and accomplishments. Although with Lizzie she hasn't done much but hold her head up yet. And I am very proud that Meadow is mostly potty trained. She has an accident here or there but overall she does very well.

I have been very busy but I'm glad. Busy is good. I have another appointment this afternoon for some stuff and then the interview tomorrow. I don't have much else this week until my birthday on Saturday. Then next week seems to be full of dentist appointments. I do hope all of this goes quickly as I like time to go fast when Chris is gone.

Reenlistment

Today my husband reenlisted for two extra years. He still has close to two years on his contract and so he now has 4 years left until he gets out of the army. But that will put him in for 10 years and so we will see what happens closer to that time. But if we want our plans to begin to work then this was necessary. That and the economy being what it is. But it is just what it is at the moment. So we will see how this goes. I am happy but it is sad that we are still so reliant on the military for our wellbeing. More time away from one another and from the children. But there are too many pros currently. Only time will tell.

We have a plan, hopefully

So Chris and I have a plan and this plan will only work if I have a teaching position and if he stays in the army another few years after his current contract. But it's a plan we are both really excited about and something we truly believe is the right thing for us. Hopefully I will find out within a month or so if I have a job for the fall and he will know soon about reenlistment.

We want to buy some land about two miles up the road and build a house. We wanted 5 acres but we are only going to be able to get 2 from the people we want the land from. But instead of having the extra room for the horses, we can use their land for our horses that we want to have. I only want two horses, one for me and one for Whytney. Well Whytney's horse will most likely be boarded where she rides during the week but that will be a long time before we can afford that. It is a plan that involves a lot of work and a lot of cutting down on things so we can pay bills but it is the best thing for us. I really love it here and don't want to move. I want to teach here and just be happy. And that is what Chris wants too. He can reup for where he is at now and we can still see each other on the weekends unless he is deployed or whatever. But again, this is not set in stone as I do not have a job yet and we don't know about his reenlistment yet.

On that note, we don't get to see him this weekend. He found out today he had staff duty and then found out they changed it from a 24 hr shift to three 8 hour shifts for seven days. So he is working through next Monday. It's retarded but hey, not much we can do. It gives him time to practice the song he's singing at church on June 7th and also to learn the song that we are going to sing together at church.

Life is hard but it's what it is. I hope that this plan works for us, but it may not be God's plan. We will have to continue to pray and see what God's plan is.

Been hectic

Things have been very hectic around here this week. With the funeral yesterday and stuff, things have been rough. But while bad things have been happening, today I found out that I passed my early childhood education test. So now I will be both elementary and early childhood certified. And that makes me a bit more marketable. So hopefully I will be able to find something.

With Chris leaving soon I need to work. But even though I need to keep busy, that is not the reason I feel as though I belong in a classroom. I know that is my calling. That God put this in my path and it is where I am meant to be. I am also considering going back to get my degree in biblical studies so I am more prepared and can teach sunday school to the youth. I want to be involved as much as I can in the new church that is preparing to begin. But we shall see.

Germany squashed

Today I squashed the potential move to Germany. I told Chris that he could reup but it had to be for where he's at now or the base that is closer to here than where he's at now. My youngest daughter's godmother is here and honestly she is one of the greatest people I have ever met. She has been a mother to me when I needed it, a friend always, and a sister as well. And since the events that happened yesterday afternoon and the loss that she has incurred, I know that I can't leave here. We are happy here and we love where we live. We have a great church family and we have finally found a place where all of us know that it is where we belong. Moving would do nothing for us and possibly make us miserable. And maybe Chris staying in isn't the best thing for us. We will figure something out, no matter what it is. We have one year and 11 months until he gets out of the army so I think we can figure it all out before then.

Germany

So Chris has been talking about reenlisting and going back to Germany. This time we would be together and the girls would get a chance to really live in a different culture. While Whytney got to experience a little of it before, she would really get a much bigger chance this time. I told him that if we do this and we go back after he gets back from his deployment that we aren't going to sit around and do nothing this time. That this time we are going to take advantage of being over there and really travel and do things. But right now it's just a thought and who knows what will actually happen.

I really want to teach and I hope that I get the chance to teach over there on post. I could and that is a great thing. If I can't teach right away I can get a job doing something else on post until a position opens up. And the nice part about the military in that way is that people are always leaving. But time will tell and we are praying about it and trying to figure out what the best thing for our family is.

I am already far from most of my family and if we did go we would take my dad with us if he wanted to go. We would sell our house here and we would live on post. The girls would have a great time and Whytney would get to live in the country she loves most. Whytney loves the germany culture and wants to speak it fluently. There are a lot of pros and I know there are plenty of cons. But the economy is so bad right now that Chris getting out of the army is one of the scariest things that we face since it's one of the only guaranteed jobs out there.

Dating in Germany

Chris and I really began dating in Germany. We were stationed at different places, about an hour away from one another. Each weekend he would take the train and stay with me and Whytney where we lived. He lived in the barracks on his post and we had an apartment so it was easier that way. On occassion we would take him home on Sundays because the big PX was where he was at. It was interesting being in a different country and there were a lot of distractions that made life difficult on us.

Chris and I broke up more times than I care to count. We never partied together and the one time we did go out, we went to separate places but kept in touch on the phone. We never really went out on "dates". That wasn't an easy thing to do with a kindergardener and me being as strict as I was about who watched her. The guy that lived below me watched her two times. One was because of a company dinner and the other was the time I took Chris to the emergency room at the krackenhouse (hospital) because he split his head open and needed stitches.

We got engaged about five months of dating. This was very quick and many people did not agree with this. His supervisor even had a talk with him and this prompted Chris to never speak to the man again outside of work. We planned our wedding for one year after our engagement. We were supposed to be married on April 23, 2006. This was to be the 31st wedding anniversary of my parents. But things happened and we decided to not get married at that time.

After much trying, we decided that a fertility specialist was needed to help us have a baby. I went to the specialist, found out I had something wrong with my uterus and the doctor said that he was going to do additional testing. That testing was never done because two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I chose to get out of the army since I had been deployed with Whytney and did not want us both to be deployed having a baby at home. I got out of the army that November and moved back to California. Chris came a month later and we got married. We went to the civil union place and got married without anyone there. While that was the best choice for us at the time, I can't wait to renew our vows with our friends and family there.

Chris was stationed in Germany for another two years. He finally got out of Germany in March of 2008 and has been in Georgia ever since.

And now we are considering reenlistment and going back to Germany as a family. And this time I hope that we take the time to really travel and see the things that we should have seen when we were there the last time.

A poem for a daddy

This was posted on Facebook on the armywives group.


My daddy is a soldier
he's often gone away
to some far off country
where he has to stay.
I really miss my daddy
and I'm not sure what he does
except he helps other people.

At night when I say my prayers
I ask to keep daddy safe
so that he can come home to us
and sit in his favorite place.

Some nights I can hear mommy cry
when she think's I am asleep
I know she misses daddy
and her sadness hurts real deep.

I know that a day may come
when daddy won't come home
and it scares me even thinking
that we will be alone.

My daddy is a soldier
he's often gone away
And I am so very proud of him
each and every day.

Come home to us daddy
When your job is done
I know that those people need you
But they aren't the only ones.

Possibilities

Lately things have been really stressful in many ways. Yesterday I was gone most of the day in Georgia visiting my husband. We had to take care of a few things as far as tricare and DEERS is concerned so I drove there. We got to eat lunch together and that was really nice. And we bought Whytney a PSP for getting stellar grades for the entire school year. She is such a great student. Last night Whytney went to the middle school to pick out what instrument she will play in band next year. After trying every instrument there and finding out a couple of them she wasn't meant for, she picked the flute. It was not on her list of wanting to play but that ended up being the best fit for her. So she will start that when the school year starts up again in August.

My biggest stressor is and always has been finances. When things aren't good then I freak out and stay that way until they get better. It is just that now they don't seem to be getting better but stay bad continually. I am trying so hard to find a teaching job but the economy is bad and the governor here doesn't want the stimulus money so school districts are laying off teachers. If they are getting laid off then there isn't going to be any hiring of new teachers. Chris goes to Iraq in a few months and while that will be a slight influx in pay, it won't be enough to pay off things that need to be paid off. He wants to get out of the army in two years and unless I am teaching fulltime I don't see how that is possible. But things happen the way they are meant to and so we will just have to wait and see.

Life is hard when you are the one at home. I know that everyone talks about how hard it is for the soldier, but I believe that this side of it, being the wife at home, is much worse. I've been the soldier in Iraq so I can actually compare the two, which helps. But I am here alone with three children taking care of everything. My husband said when he was home on leave that he sees now why I get frustrated and get upset with him sometimes. I'm glad he sees the daily grind I deal with because it helps him to understand.

Now, if I could just calm down a bit and really try and figure some things out.

Today

Today is difficult for me. I emailed the principal where I student taught asking him to contact a few schools and talk me up so that hopefully I can get an interview somewhere. I interviewed with him but I'm not too hopeful about that now. I was but I have a feeling and it's not a good one. With Chris deploying, I desperately need to be working everyday. I need something to keep my mind off of him being gone. If it comes down to it, I am going to apply at preschools since I am going to be early childhood certified as well. But we will see what happens. I did call one school and the principal was so nice but the only opening she had was for a Spanish teacher. I have applied at many places but it just doesn't seem too hopeful at the moment.

I haven't heard anything back yet about whether or not we can file for the adoption right now. We will do eventually regardless, but we are hoping that Chris's dad gets permission to file pro bono so we can do it now and not have to wait. I'm afraid if we wait too long that her bio father will change his mind and not agree to just signing the papers. I want this to go as smoothly as possible. Chris is her dad, nobody else. And that isn't going to change regardless of whether or not she gets his last name.

Adoption

So today I talked to Chris's dad who is a lawyer. Chris has wanted to adopt my daughter Whytney since we were dating. Well, his dad is going to talk to the partner at the law firm he works at to get permission to file pro bono and when he gets it we are filing for him to adopt Whytney. This is what Whytney wants and it's great. Whytney's biological father told us that he will sign the paperwork and won't fight it so that is even better news. Whytney is so excited. She said that now she can tell kids that Chris is her real father instead of calling him dad and having them say, no he's just your stepdad. He's been in her life for more than half of it and she's almost 10 years old. Paul decided to be a father about a year ago now and he was never in her life previous to that. He understands that Chris is her dad and he even said that Chris is a great guy and knows that Whytney will be loved. Chris has always thought of Whytney as his own and has never once thought of her differently than he has Meadow and Lizzie. So I just pray that this happens before he leaves for Iraq so that it is finished and Whytney can finally have a "real dad" that never goes anywhere and is always in her life.

Preparing for deployment

Today my husband is doing layouts and they are taking count so they can prepare for deployment. Things are quickly changing for him and he told me yesterday that while he was gone for those two weeks, a bunch of new people have showed up and are now in his unit. So it's definitely almost time for him to leave again. This is something that we have been through before, but the last time we were separated already since I was in California and have just had Meadow and Chris was stationed in Germany. His deployment then was delayed three months, and this time it was moved up four months. So we will have time together before he leaves on the weekends when he is home. Then I will be on my own and he will be on his own over there. But we will stay strong and through our relationship with one another, and our relationship with the Lord we will make it through this and be stronger on the other side.

It's a few months from his next deployment

My husband just went back to work after being on leave for two weeks. He is going to take more leave when their block leave happens before they deploy so that we can have a little more time together. The past two weeks were incredible and we loved being together as a family all the time. Today I am sitting here trying to figure out how I am going to survive another year without my husband, this time with three children. I love my girls, but it is very hard to do things on my own on a day to day basis. But I am learning slowly and I will continue to learn and will be okay. The last deployment was 15 months and I'm hoping this one coming will not be as long. And hopefully he will be able to get out of the army when his time is up. But that depends on me and my situation as far as teaching goes. I am still hoping for a position for the fall, but only time will tell on that. If not this fall, then hopefully the next year. There are so many things my girls would love to do but are not able to because of our situation. If I am working then things will be easier for all of us.

How we met/all of our encounters until we began dating

In June of 2004, I was sitting in the "office" working on about five different computers. I was a network administrator in the army and at the time I was fixing all these computers that were messed up. The NCO of the Sen team came in and introduced me to his new soldier. The SEN team is who provided us with internet and phone service so I worked very closely with them. I stood up, met my future husband, and turned away and didn't give him a second look.

About a month after that, I was walking to the gym with a guy who I worked out with daily. I saw this guy, totally forgetting he was the new soldier on the SEN team, doing backflips off of the concrete bunkers we used to shield us from the mortar rounds that were being fired at us. I looked up, immediately thought that he was a moron, and just kept walking. Never spoke to him and honestly never believed that I would ever have to unless I needed to talk to him about work stuff.

Fast forward to November 2004. I was having a very bad night and so I went to go see my friend Brian. He happened to live in the same room as this guy I had seen a couple times. I was complaining about how some guy I liked said I wasn't dateable. Chris popped up out of nowhere and said, "You're not dateable, you're marriable." I gave him this look that expressed my utter confusion and dismissed it like it was nothing. I turned back to my friend and just kept talkin to him. Oh, little did I know what the future would hold.

In December 2004 the SEN team's replacements had arrived. It turned out that one of the guys that was there replacing them was someone I was very close with in basic training. I was in their room one night with Kurtis talking to him and my friend Brian. Chris got all upset I guess because he realized I liked short, blonde guys and so he loudly announced he was going to bed. He took his shirt off and I saw his tattoo. I noticed it and complimented him on it. I think I shocked him so badly by speaking to him that he couldn't talk back. LOL.

Two days later Chris and I started actually talking and we realized that we had a connection. We spent the rest of his time in Iraq together and he left for Germany and we emailed one another. I got sent to Kuwait for a month after Iraq and then when I returned to Germany I finally got to see him after I got back off of leave. I had gone to California to pick up Whytney and so he got to meet her then as well. He loved her right away.

More to come......

Creation of the blog

I am creating this blog and writing about the daily life of being an army wife. This is mainly going to be my outlet so that I am able to get out my frustrations and talk about my husband, my family and about how being a soldier's wife is very different than being a normal wife. While I can't wait for the day that I am no longer an army wife, I know that these years I am spending will never leave my mind and that I will always be more appreciative of my husband because of all that we have gone through.

Chris is about to leave again on his 3rd deployment. This is our 2nd deployment as a married couple, as the 1st time we were deployed together and that is where we met. I am going to talk a lot about how we met, our life as a dating couple and then throughout our married life so far. Each day will present new information and I am very excited to write it all down and have a record of it. This is something I have not done yet and I think that it will be good to do it.

But for now, it's late and I'm sleepy.