Possible paths

The Lord has a plan for us. I guess the "fun" part is trying to figure out what that path is. Right now I am trying to do that. I am very confused about what path I belong on and don't know what to do. I am going to attempt to go back into the army, but my condition is that I go in as an officer. Since I have all this education, I don't want to go back in as enlisted. That just doesn't make sense. But I have to get a waiver because we have more than two children. That is the first dumb part. So I'm not sure if this is the path I belong on. Also, I loved being in the classroom. If I can somehow get my position back at the school, part of me wants to move back to Spartanburg and go back to the school. Then Chris can finish out his time and get out of the army. There are so many possibilities and I just don't know what to do. But I don't know if I can get my job back at the school. I know I taught well and that I was supposed to e there this year. So I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Therapy

So Chris and I are in couple's therapy and things are starting to really come out. Last week we got a lot out and at the end the therapist gave Chris "homework". He said to do one thing for me this week that was not asked for. Friday, I had testing for a job that I am trying to get. I was on my way out to the car and when I got to the van, I went to put my drink in the cup holder. Where the cup holders normally are, there were flowers that Chris had gotten me. They were so wonderful! Then on Saturday, I was feeling low, and Chris texted me from work saying to look on my pillow. There was a letter he had written me and it was wonderful. He is really trying.

In all of this, we figured out what my role in his infidelity was. So we are working through all of that and the other things. We are really trying to get past this and build a stronger marriage. What started out as us tryign to work things out for the kids, has made us realize that with God and working through all of our emotions, we can potentially have a real marriage. So we are trying. Not sure if it will end the way we want it, or if we will stay together, but we are trying. And right now that is what is important.

Separations are difficult

So last night my husband received an article 15 for adultery. Yup, he did the one thing I never thought he would do in our marraige. Now I am left pondering if I even want to save my marriage. He told me about all of this about three weeks ago, but last night it became completely real. And I thought that I would wake up this morning and not be as upset about it as I was and yet I realize I'm probably even more upset this morning. I have no interest in my marriage anymore. Why should I stay with a person who thinks it's okay to do that, whether or not they were in Iraq? I have been to Iraq. I never did that. I have stood by my husband through 4 article 15s and each one of them is for something worse than the time before. How much more am I required to take? Just because I'm a Christian I'm supposed to sit by while my husband ruins our family and I am made to look like a fool? Why don't I deserve to be happy? And why couldn't he have told me this before I quit my teaching job and before I uprooted our children and moved down here? I feel like I have given up everything in my life for him and have done it multiple times yet he does nothing and gives up nothing.