my back

So I hurt my back again on Sunday. I was all about reorganizing things and just turned and a sharp pain went through my back. I thought it would work itself out but it didn't so I had to leave school and ended up spending five hours at the emergency room yesterday. I went to school today just to be told to go home because the doctor wanted me home today. So I am sitting here not really loving being here but dealing with it. I also wish my back would hurry up and get better. It is driving me nuts sitting here not being able to move around as easily as I am used to. This is just yet another sign that my weight is getting out of control and I need to fix it. Time to start figuring out how to make that happen.

Lately

Life lately has been extremely frustrating for me. My husband has decided he doesn't need to help out with anything and with me working like I do I don't have time to make sure our house is the way I want it to be. It has been really upsetting me and finally last time I called him out on it. This being after he told me he was finishing up a game and he would be upstairs. An hour later and still no Chris. I was so mad. I told him he was digging himself a nice big hole. He got all defensive but then just acted like he was sorry because I was mad at him. I don't think he actually gets it. It's like he only cares because I have to say something. He can't do it on his own and it really makes me mad. I swear, I have four children not 3 and a husband. It drives me insane.

Teaching is going well. This past week was really good overall. Monday was horrible but the rest of the week was so great. I am still anxious until I receive that contract for next school year but I know that I will be okay.

My girls are doing well. Lizzie is definitely becoming Mommy's girl, especially now that I'm not home all the time. Meadow is doing a great job with things and is progressing in her different therapies. Whyt is finally bringing her grades back up, slowly. Hopefully she will bring them back up to a decent level before the end of school.

Stressors

So lately things have been weighing on me and I think that the stress of it all is proving to cause me some issues. I am really trying to put everything in God's hands and just do the best I can with all of it. I have started back at the catholic church and am loving it. Even Chris is liking it and the girls love it! I am trying to figure things out to get the younger two baptized and get Whytney her first communion and all of that accomplished. But there is just so many other things that it's not at the forefront of my mind all the time.

One of the biggest things is that Chris has about 14 months left in the army and then he is finished. Even if he wanted to stay in the army is increasingly becoming worse so it is what he wants. He wants to go to school and finally do what he has been wanting for a very long time. This makes me happy because I want him happy. But it does scare me and worry me because of how many doctors Meadow sees and her medication. I just pray that she is able to receive the care with my insurance she does on his.

Another thing is that I am teaching again. I have been teaching again for almost two months and I love being back in the classroom. However, it is proving to be very challenging. I have had a few issues, and do not feel that I have the best support there. The teachers I work with are fantastic and they are great. If it weren't for them I'm not sure I would be doing as well as I am.

Meadow is, as always, at the base of many huge things. She is now in therapy outside of school for speech and OT. This is helping her and I am grateful that her doctor realized she needed this extra help. She is doing really well and we are very proud of the accomplishments she has been making. Whytney is another story. This semester has been horrible for her and her grades are horrific. But she is in tutoring now and hopefully her grade in math will begin to improve.

I have other things on my mind and I am just praying that the Lord helps me let them go. I am trying to understand that until my family is where it needs to be I don't need to worry about other things around us.

2012, year of new things

It is the second day of 2012 and already I feel as though this year is going to be one of the best in a long time. I start teaching tomorrow again after a year and a half and that is going to be wonderful in many ways. Not only will it bring me happiness being where God wants me to be, but I will make decent money and will be able to help us get some things paid off. I also am planning a small vacation over spring break for me and Whyt to go to New York for a few days. Thinking broadway and some sightseeing. I am excited and am trying to surprise her. So I think it will be wonderful! I want to continue to get closer to God and work on my church going habits. I have been really bad about that since we moved here so I hope that I can get back into the routine of going all the time. I will finish my 2nd masters degree this year in June and that makes me super excited too. Lots of things happening this year and so many things to look forward to. This is going to be a wonderful year! I just know it!

Checking in

I have been so busy the last few months since I started working and I have to say that it has been great having somewhere to work that I really enjoy. I love working there. The people are great and I have met some great people. It has been sort of sad not being near the kids so much but now that they are in school it is easier for them. Lizzie had surgery this past week but is doing great. She has bounced back very quickly and she is acting like nothing has happened! My husband and I are improving a lot after we had an issue in June that was very big and caused major problems with him for awhile. But we are doing better and we are really trying hard. I just love my family so much and am so blessed to have them in my life. My dad is great and has really tried hard to be there as often as he can. I wish my husband's family could take a lesson from him and see how being in their grandchildren's lives are important and will create lasting memories. The Lord has truly blessed me in so many ways.

Jobs

So today I had a face to face interview with Delta for their baggage claim call center. The pay is okay, not wonderful, but they have this awesome benefit where me and my family, and buddies get to fly for free! And it's anywhere Delta flies. That is so awesome. I am really thinking this would be a great thing to have. I think the interview went well. The guy who interviewed me was totally nice and I have a friend who works there and she talked to him and apparently thinks it is looking like I may have a job in a few weeks. But we will see. I am just praying. I desperately need something though. Then I can help out around here and then I can like send Whyt to visit Carina and Ryan over the summer and we can all go visit. And I can go visit a couple friends that I really miss. But we will see. If I by chance happen to get a teaching position and have this job then I would try and keep both so I can still have the flight benefits. It could be a good thing. But only the Lord knows and hopefully I will have something soon to help out the family.

Wonders

I really wonder sometimes if we are ever going to get to a place where we aren't trying to figure out how to afford well anything. I mean really. It really is hard for me because we are always broke. We often times don't even have the money to pay our bills. And I have tried to look for work and I am really trying to figure things out. It's just so difficult. I am praying constantly for a job so that I can help and we can somehow get some of these bills paid off. It seems like we finally get a credit card paid off but then we have to use it because we can't live otherwise. I really wish we could figure something out. Once, when our cars are paid off, we will finally be able to put money in savings. And then maybe we will be able to get credit cards paid off and actually be able to survive. I want Chris to get out of the army in 2 years. But if we can't get ahead then that will never happen. I am just so worried and stressed out over it all. How does anyone get ahead in life? I feel like we never will.