So the end of year is tomorrow. I have a few days of packing up my room and so forth to do, but it's pretty much complete. I know what grade I am teaching next year and what subjects. However, I feel heavy hearted. I know that I have a job, and I love the students I teach. But I hate always feeling like I'm not good enough. I wish my self esteem were better, and that I were more confident. I don't know how, after 35 years, to change this self doubt that I always have. I am going to spend my summer trying to learn how to teach better and how to "play the game". I hate that part of teaching. I wish I could just come in and teach my kids and do what I know how to do. But it doesn't seem to matter to others. They want me to play the game and do what they want and how they want it. I guess I will try. I may succeed at it, and I may not. I guess time will tell. But I have a couple months to figure it all out I guess.
My oldest daughter is officially a high school student, which is scary and makes me sad knowing how quickly she has grown up. My middle is officially a first grader, which is an accomplishment that many may not understand. Her teacher this year has helped her in so many ways. I realized fully today during her graduation when she was starting a meltdown. Her graduation cap was coming off and she couldn't keep it on. She about lost it and her teacher got her attention and gave her a signal and she just calmed right now. That was amazing for me to witness and I was so thrilled to see that. I pray that next year she is able to have a teacher she responds to like she did her teacher this year.
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