Need something

but I'm not sure what. Lately things with Chris have been getting tense and it's mostly on my part. I know it is and I'm not sure what to do to change it. The past has decided to rear it's ugly head and I can't seem to get it out of my mind. I think about what would happen if I died and I know now that he could move on easier than I ever could if something happened. And that makes me wonder if this is a life I need to continue with. The girls adore their dad and I hate that I am even having thoughts of the possibility of leaving. I have prayed and prayed and don't know what to do. I don't feel closer to Chris suddenly, I feel like I'm pulling away. And I don't know what to do to stop it. The therapist we saw is no longer here on post, he moved to Ft. Stewart so I can't even go back and see him. I wish I knew what to do.