Today I have had a few moments where I can't stop myself from crying. I have recently stopped taking my medication and have done so willingly. It hasn't been helping and I would rather not fill my body with things that do not help me. Meadow has been acting up and that upset me because I just don't know how to get through to her. Nothing works and it's difficult to deal with. Then I started crying becuase I am watching a show and a woman lost her husband, who was a police officer. That made me think of Chris and how I don't think I could survive if something happened to him. I know that God would not take him from our family unless we could survive the loss, but I can't imagine it. I truly just can't imagine life without him. Even the prospect of him wrapping his arms around me as I fall asleep is hope and if he was in heaven I wouldn't even have that to cling to. That is something I am not sure I could bear.
Whytney was truly a wonderful help today. She not only helped with the girls, but she made me lunch. Then she vaccuumed, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, and folded the laundry that was in the dryer. She told me later that she had asked God to help her be a better person. And that makes me want to cry too. She is a wonderful child and I hope that the Lord helps her grow into an incredible adult. She is so much more than I ever could have hoped for in a daughter. I am just glad that Chris came along and gave her the one thing in her life she never had before, a dad. I cannot wait until the adoption papers are finalized and she is legally his. In his heart he already feels she is his so might as well make it official. Then Whytney will never have to wonder again.
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